OK TMI: Why Can I Smell Myself Through My Pants?

Tight leggings aren’t always to blame for odor “down there.”

There are three kinds of people: those who love the Olympics, those who are “meh” about the Olympics, and those who love the essence of the Olympics. I fall into that third category. Technically, the Olympics has all of my favorite things: Foreign countries! Epic stories! Getting deeply invested in something that lasts two and a half weeks only to forget about it completely until it resurfaces four years later! Fanciful condoms! But no matter what category you fall into, the question of, “What Olympic sport should I watch?” can be overwhelming. There are so. many. sports. (40, to be exact). So if you’re still deciding on how to “participate” in Paris 2024’s festivities, it might help to gain some astrological guidance on the matter.

No, seriously! Listen, the Olympics weren’t always a competition over an Adidas or Gatorade sponsorship; spirituality ties directly into its lore. The ancient Greeks started these games to honor the gods on Mount Olympus, gods that have Roman counterparts who directly relate to astrology through the ruling planets. So if you’re feeling confused on what sport would suit you, the stars are bound to have the right answer.

Enter Maria Sofia Marmanides, astrologer, tarot card reader, and intuitive. With her help, we were able to demystify which Olympic sport should be on your watch list, based on your zodiac sign. All of them can be viewed on NBC—the official U.S. broadcaster for the Paris 2024 Summer Olympicc—but you can also watch on Peacock, NBCOlympics.com, USA Network, CNBC, and E!. So scroll down, find your sign, and let the games begin!

The Olympic sports to watch for each zodiac sign

Aries: Boxing

Aries babies are all about competition, so you win the gold for “Most Likely to Enjoy All and Any Olympic Sports.” But if you’re pressed for time and can only watch one thing, it’s worth noting that the ram loves a head-to-head match-up.

“No sign thrives on being directly challenged like an Aries, making Olympic boxing the perfect sport for this passionate and fiery sign,” Marmanides says. “Boxing offers the perfect opportunity to watch two contenders hash it out through a combo of strategy, athleticism, and finesse—three Aries keywords.”

When to tune in: Preliminary matches are taking place now through August, with finals scheduled from August 6-10.

Taurus: Golf

I say this as a loving representative of all bulls: we’re here to succeed, but we’re *not* trying to break a sweat over it. So a one-step-at-a-time sport makes a great leisurely watch. “Taurus individuals are patient and strategic, qualities that are essential in golf,” says Marmanides. “The game’s slow pace and the need for careful planning and precision align well with Taurus’s methodical and thoughtful approach.”

Bonus: this nature-loving Earth sign will *seriously* appreciate the aesthetic appeal of green, grassy expanses.

When to tune in: Golf takes place from August 1-10 at Le Golf National in Saint-Quentin-en-Yvelines. The men’s competition will start on August 1 and wrap on August 4, while the women’s competition will begin on August 7 and wrap on August 10.

Gemini: Gymnastics

Gems are agile in all regards—quick thinkers and practically Gilmore Girl-level speed-talkers. Likewise, they’re big fans of variety, which is why Marmanides recommends gymnastics as the perfect sport to tune into.

“It has many different routines requiring split-second decisions and creative expression through bodily movement, which appeals to Gemini,” she says. “And as one of the most popular Olympic events, it’s a social event, one they can watch with friends, which Geminis love to do.”

When to tune in: Events start on Saturday, July 27 with the men’s qualifications, while the women’s qualifications start on Sunday, July 28. The events run through Monday, August 5 concluding with the women’s floor exercise final.

Cancer: Soccer

Crabs have big-time family values, prioritizing close relationships, camaraderie, community, and a sense of belonging. A team sport is the only way to go. But why soccer (or football, for those of you outside the States)?

As Marmanides points out, “Cancer has ancient associations with nationalism and homeland pride, which aligns with soccer’s very loyal fans who have deeply emotional and strong connections to their home team.” So get invested, cheer your team on, and make sure to have tissues ready through the highs and lows of the game!

When to tune in: The soccer tournament kicked off even before the official opening ceremony, with the first men’s matches starting on July 24, and women’s on July 25. Gold medal matches are on August 9 and 10.

Leo: Beach Volleyball

Leos, it’s your season (I mean what season isn’t?) and it’s no surprise that a summer sport is in order. “Plus, Leos are natural performers who enjoy being in the spotlight,” Marmanides says. “Beach volleyball offers numerous opportunities for standout moments, whether it’s a powerful spike, a crucial block, or an impressive dive. Leos can shine and showcase their skills in front of an audience.”

PS, who could pass up a stage that involves sun, sand, and epic views of the city? Happy birthday, babes, and enjoy the performance.

When to tune in: Beach volleyball starts on July 27 and wraps up with the finals August 9 and 10. This year’s venue is especially iconic, with matches happening right under the Eiffel Tower at the Champ de Mars.

Virgo: Track & Field

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, a god famed for his quickness and winged heels. He used this skill to be a Messenger Boy for the other Olympians, but you could see him winning some medals if he diverted his aspirations elsewhere. Nonetheless, Virgos are bound to be drawn to fleet-footed racers.

“Virgos are known for their meticulous nature and attention to detail, and they thrive on discipline and routine,” says Marmanides. “This will make them appreciate the rigorous training track and field events require, plus, it’s a sport that is all about precise technique, form, and timing.”

When to tune in: “Athletics” at the Paris 2024 Olympics run through August 1-11. The excitement starts with the men’s 20km race walk and culminates with the women’s marathon on the final day. There will be a flurry of finals spread across these dates, with key events like the men’s 10,000m final on August 2, and both the men’s and women’s 4x400m relay finals on August 11.

Libra: Fencing

Okay, this isn’t shade about Libra’s reputation for always “being on the fence.” “The truth is, they just like weighing all the options,” Marmanides says. She adds that the sport specifically plays to all the things Libras thrive on: parrying, deflecting, and even conversation.

“As a justice-loving sign, fencing also emphasizes fair play and adherence to rules and codes of conduct,” Marmanides says.

When to tune in: This sport kicks off July 27 and runs for nine consecutive days. The venue? The stunning Grand Palais in the heart of Paris, a historic monument with Europe’s largest glass roof, setting a magical scene for these high-stakes bouts. En garde!

Scorpio: Wrestling

Marmanides reminds us that Scorpios have a natural affinity for control and power. They use covert ways to get on top—not meant to be a sex joke, but it’s there if you want it—and as such, wrestling should really capture their attention.

“Scorpios are skilled at understanding psychological dynamics and can use this to their advantage,” Marmanides says. “Wrestling involves a significant psychological component, including mental toughness and the ability to read and outwit an opponent, which can be highly appealing to a Scorpio.”

When to tune in: Athletes hit the mats from August 5 to August 11, all at the Champs-de-Mars Arena.

Sagittarius: Archery

Marmanides shares that Sagittarius is symbolized by the archer, so what else would be a better fit than archery? In fact, Sagittarius is literally Latin for “archer,” so she says that Sags are bound to resonate with the imagery of drawing a bow and aiming an arrow.

And you can go even deeper with this. “Archery has a rich history and is deeply embedded in many cultures and traditions,” Marmanides adds. “Sagittarians, who are often interested in exploring different cultures and histories, may find this aspect of archery particularly intriguing.”

When to tune in: Olympic archery kicked off on July 24 with individual and team medal events scheduled through August 4.

Capricorn: Mountain Biking

Capricorn is a sign that takes “GOAT” very seriously. In fact, in a study analyzing 16,027 medalists from 51 Olympic games, it was shown that Capricorns won more medals than any other zodiac sign. You can credit that to their determination and strong work ethic, which can parlay well into any sport. But if you’re simply a spectator, fit this into your busy schedule.

“Both Olympic cycling and mountain biking require rigorous training, perseverance, and a high level of commitment, which align well with Capricorn’s nature,” says Marmanides. “Capricorns also possess great endurance and resilience, qualities essential for both road cycling and mountain biking.”

When to tune in: Olympians are set to set to gear up for the gold on July 28 and 29.

Aquarius: Basketball

Though Aquarians have the tendency to be one-of-a-kind innovators, their altruistic nature is ALL about making things better for the collective. As a result, a little b-ball should sing to their better-together spirit.

“Aquarians value community and teamwork, and basketball is a sport that thrives on these principles,” Marmanides says. “The collaborative nature of basketball, where success depends on the collective effort of the team, aligns well with Aquarius’s appreciation for group dynamics and cooperative play.”

When to tune in: Basketball games will bounce into action starting on July 26, while the battle for gold will tip off on August 10 and 11.

Pisces: Olympic Swimming

And finally, there’s Pisces. A water sign that is symbolized by twin fish, it makes sense that you’ll want to watch any and all events involving goggles, caps, and the river Seine. Well, if the Seine is up to standards, at least.

“This natural affinity with water makes swimming a particularly appealing activity for Pisces,” says Marmanides. “Swimming, whether it’s competitive racing or artistic routines, embodies this flow and freedom, allowing Pisces to express themselves and feel at ease in the water.”

When to tune in: Dive into nine days of medal events happening July 27-Aug. 4.